Men talking to women they don't know
Sep. 7th, 2012 10:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cakmplsThis happens to me a lot. And it's fine with me.
Many women describe this experience as harassment, or as being hit on, or as feeling threatening. I'm NOT--so don't you dare comment as if I am--doubting these women's feelings or perceptions. They are what they are.
But I'm a fat old broad (seriously, I'm 65 and look it, and I am fat) who dresses unfashionably and doesn't wear makeup. And the men who speak to me in public--in lines, in elevators, on the sidewalk, etc.--are a variety of ages, appearances, and ethnicities. For the most part they aren't obvious weirdos, (though some of the weirdest--and not in a good way--people I've known haven't looked weird), and some of them are attractive and/or nicely dressed. Some are MUCH younger than I am. I'm pretty sure that most of them aren't hitting on me, even after I exclude the ones who might well be gay. They're just, y'know, guys.
I don't know why they talk to me. Maybe they like to talk to women generally but have had bad experiences with being misinterpreted, and I look like I know I'm a fat old broad so I won't assume they're hitting on me.
Maybe I look approachable. But the odd thing about that is that I don't get the bad kind of attention. I don't get harassed, by my definition of "harassed." My spouse has always attributed that to my "looking like [I] could beat the shit out of them," though as I have often said, I think the more important thing is that I look like I'm willing to try. So do I somehow look approachable to men whose intentions are benign, and too challenging to men whose aren't? 'Tis a puzzlement.
I don't know whether, and if so how, this intersects with it, but when I speak to a woman I don't know in a public place--again, in line, etc.--just some comment about our surroundings and such, often she does not respond in a friendly way. Are many women reluctant to respond to, or sometimes even to acknowledge, any comment from any stranger, no matter the apparent gender?
Does any of this have to do with the fact that I have always gotten along better with men, generally, than with women, generally? Maybe it's all pheromones of some sort.
My fellow human beings remain a puzzle to me.
Many women describe this experience as harassment, or as being hit on, or as feeling threatening. I'm NOT--so don't you dare comment as if I am--doubting these women's feelings or perceptions. They are what they are.
But I'm a fat old broad (seriously, I'm 65 and look it, and I am fat) who dresses unfashionably and doesn't wear makeup. And the men who speak to me in public--in lines, in elevators, on the sidewalk, etc.--are a variety of ages, appearances, and ethnicities. For the most part they aren't obvious weirdos, (though some of the weirdest--and not in a good way--people I've known haven't looked weird), and some of them are attractive and/or nicely dressed. Some are MUCH younger than I am. I'm pretty sure that most of them aren't hitting on me, even after I exclude the ones who might well be gay. They're just, y'know, guys.
I don't know why they talk to me. Maybe they like to talk to women generally but have had bad experiences with being misinterpreted, and I look like I know I'm a fat old broad so I won't assume they're hitting on me.
Maybe I look approachable. But the odd thing about that is that I don't get the bad kind of attention. I don't get harassed, by my definition of "harassed." My spouse has always attributed that to my "looking like [I] could beat the shit out of them," though as I have often said, I think the more important thing is that I look like I'm willing to try. So do I somehow look approachable to men whose intentions are benign, and too challenging to men whose aren't? 'Tis a puzzlement.
I don't know whether, and if so how, this intersects with it, but when I speak to a woman I don't know in a public place--again, in line, etc.--just some comment about our surroundings and such, often she does not respond in a friendly way. Are many women reluctant to respond to, or sometimes even to acknowledge, any comment from any stranger, no matter the apparent gender?
Does any of this have to do with the fact that I have always gotten along better with men, generally, than with women, generally? Maybe it's all pheromones of some sort.
My fellow human beings remain a puzzle to me.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-27 04:31 pm (UTC)